Luke Skywalker Admits Attending Ceremony for Intergalactic Terrorist
Terrorist sympathiser, Luke Skywalker, at Sith Lord’s funeral
Luke Skywalker was accused of ‘disturbing behaviour’ last night after admitting he attended a ceremony for a an intergalactic terrorist.
The celebrated Jedi visited a ceremony on the Forest Moon of Endor, where Sith Lord, Darth Vader, was funeralised.
A known servant of the evil Galactic Empire, Darth Vader is thought to have been responsible for numerous deaths, including conspiring to destroy entire planets, such as the destruction of Alderaan.
A blogger with no political background commented, “It is shocking that any Jedi would participate in a ceremony honouring a man involved in the vicious murder of millions of innocent people.”
A Twitter going by the handle ‘@TatooineFirst’ has demanded an explanation, spurring a backlash from around the galaxy.
A random person with a Twitter account replied, “There are NO extenuating circumstances or alternative perspectives when it comes to terror! And there is certainly no room for nuance.”
A father from Fossilbrock West has written to his MP begging her to build a grammar school in his neighbourhood, because he feels his child is holding back children who ‘have a hope’.
Cecil Chalk consistently underperforms at school but does not suffer from learning disabilities or diagnosable behavioural problems.
Alternative Facts for the Chronically Disillusioned Somebody else, somewhere else, on a different day. The family of Phyllis Menhenick, 92, from Penzance, were delighted to discover that she hadn't been killed in the attack that took place at Westminster yesterday...
Millicent Maddison from Croydon has taken to social media to find out who abducted and shampooed her dog, Poochie. She believes he was taken by an Asian grooming gang whilst frolicking in a fountain just 100 yards from the cake shop where she buys his daily cupcake.
Victor Belcher, MP of Lower Wellbeing, today announced that talking about funding mental health improves mental health.
“It’s enough simply to pledge to spend more on mental health services,” he said at a recent televised conference. “We don’t actually have to do it.”