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Alternative Facts for the Chronically Disillusioned

Talking About Funding Mental Health Improves Mental Health, says MP

by | Feb 11, 2017 | Articles | 0 comments

Victor Belcher, MP of Lower Wellbeing, today announced that talking about funding mental health improves mental health.

“It’s enough simply to pledge to spend more on the mentals,” he said at a recent televised conference. “We don’t actually have to do it.”

In a blog article entitled, ‘What on earth are the government talking about this time?’ Marlene Marigold, CEO of Mind How You Go, demanded that Mr Belcher explain himself. ‘The government have been talking about improving funding mental health for years now, and we’ve certainly not noticed any difference in client recovery.’

Mr Belcher took to Facebook to expand on his proclamations. ‘It’s just like a placebo. People believe that there’s going to be light at the end of the funding tunnel, so they get better, much like when people take invisible medicine.’

When asked how he saw false promises impacting on illness like schizophrenia, he said, “I’ve seen Identity. I’ve seen Fight Club. As long as all the personalities believe we’re going to provide more crystals and rescue remedy, everything will be just fine.”

Just before his suicide, Jerry Marmalade from Somerset told D’inkit, “My local branch of Outwit Mental Health is closing, but it’s fine because the government say they’re going to open ten branches of Outwit in five years’ time.”

Mrs Marigold has called for Mr Belcher to resign. He is talking about resigning.

Sometimes people with mental health problems walk in straight lines, alone.
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