Alternative Facts for the Chronically Disillusioned

Dog Hounded by TV Licensing Agency

by | Feb 9, 2017 | Articles | 0 comments

Mrs Mullins’ corgi prefers pursuing rabbits to television.

A woman from Grimshot Passage was shocked when a TV Licensing enforcement officer came to inspect her dog’s ‘unpretentious’ kennel for signs that he was illegally downloading BBC programmes.

Midge Mullins, 64, told D’inkit, “I don’t know who they expected to find in the kennel. It is three-foot tall and two-foot wide. It’s not particularly pretentious, being made from wooden slats with an averagely-sloped roof. Basically, it’s a kennel.”

The enforcement officer is reported to have said, “These days it’s not just television sets that provide a source of live TV. People also need a license if they watch on small, portable devices.”

It is the TV Licensing Authority’s policy to send letters of home visits in advance.

“I did find seven or eight letters addressed to the ‘legal occupier’ in Cujo’s kennel, but I assumed one of the postmen was just too lazy to walk to my front door. I do have an exceptionally long garden path.” She remarked that Herpes and Yoodle regularly leave parcels in the kennel.

Cujo was troubled by the encounter, and barked loudly, “as if he knew that harassment was immoral”. It took seven doggy treats to calm him down.

When Mrs Mullins asked for assurance that she would not hear from the authority again, the officer said, “As many people move home or change their circumstances, we’re not able to put a permanent stop to seeking payment.”

This is not the first time TV Licensing visits have made the news. In 2010, Avaline Abraham was threatened with a fine despite dying in 1892. In 2006, a family of five received letters advising that they may need two licenses because the oldest son was particularly tall.

A spokesperson for the BBC said, “We are responsible for providing diverse and cutting-edge content. Without TV licensing fees, how would we provide unique programmes and cutting-edge programmes like Eastenders, The Missing Season 2 and the remake of Poldark?” Lee Leggings from Farmyard Springs was investigated after neighbours reported that they heard her was watching Silent Witness at night, but it turned out she just had a hostage tied up in her living room.

Family lawyer, Smit Douglas, doubts that dogs can grant implied rights of access and believes Mrs Mullins may have a case to sue, but she wants to put the whole episode behind her, with a cup of coffee and a Netflix boxed set.

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